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The Colbert Report/Episodes/EpGuide/Episode 486
Production Info Intro SEGMENT1 * Dr. Colbert doesn't mean to alarm us ** our last moments on Earth shouldn't be * spider on ISS escaped ** part of NASA's animal torture experiments * can a monkey peel a banana underwater * can a horse parachute * can you make tang from dehydrated flamingo * sending animals into space make them 50 feet tall * the spider will be looking for Stephen's DNA (MeNA) ** 8 legs deep in Dr. Colbert's space junk ** eight legs mean 8 balls * Thank God Dr. Colbert was not replaced by a man-spider hybrid SEGMENT2 * Doris Kearns Goodwin said :"It's the end of the world bitches better learn you some Chinese!" * makes it hard to undermine PE Obama ** only after he's fixed Stephen's 401k * Tonight's word: Barack-Handed Compliment ** root for commander in chief ** zombie-proof your house * Many republicans have praised him ** approve of his team ** George Stephanopolis played "In Your Eyes" to Obama * say something nice while being a douchebag at the same time * Rush is the master ** wired to ** praised Obama's pick of Hillary Clinton * Obama is so cunning he makes Lex Luxor look like a candy striper * Sean Hannity approves of Obama's cabinet choices as well * Obama will put Hillary Clinton's hand in warm water while she's sleeping * Obama maneuvered his mother in law to live in the White House so she can't run against him in 2012 * Obama also chose to be black * possible to damn him with our praise SEGMENT3 * border patrol ** keep foreigners out ** keep Americans from returning * best way to visit a foreign country: ** riding in on a bomb * Nailed 'Em * Mike Milne ** border patrol agent * Border Patrol Agents prevented subversive knitter from re-entering America after visiting Canada for an art concert or thing * artists love to shock by knitting and crocheting ** SUVs ** guns ** tanks ** dog sweaters * Radical Lace & Subversive Knitting Interview * Barbara Walters * new TV special: "The 10 Most Fascinating People of 2008" ** she will be the second most fascinating person in her interview * she purchased A Colbert Christmas: The Greatest Gift Of All! * ABC wouldn't buy it for her ** Stephen signed it: :"To Babs: You are hot" * Stephen then smelled the pen * Stephen recreated a Barbara Walters interview with ferns and soft focus * she had interviewed: ** Rush Limbaugh ** Will Smith ** Tom Cruise ** Tina Fey ** Michael Phelps, who can breathe underwater *** among other things * Stephen would have been on the list, but he doesn't like accomplishing things ** he was #11 * Stephen is afraid to go on The View ** they seem like a race of tribal women * people are only fascinating for one year * she has interviewed cannibals * fascination goes in the wind * book: "Audition" * Stephen has no problems because he has confidence ** she has none * Stephen announces that she got the part Epilogue * (missed it) Gallery Image: Image: Image: Image: Image: Image: Image: Image: Motherload Videos External Tubes *Link Title *Link Title Reviews and Comments